boys, and sometimes girls

boys.

Boys cause me so much trouble, by nature I'm not a faithful girl. Don't get me wrong I've never actually cheated on my boyfriend, I just fantasize about it to the point of scheming. My one moment of true weakness was thwarted by a good friend. I've been in love with the same boy for about 4 and a half years- this boy isn't my boyfriend.

I care for my boyfriend a lot, but as with every relationship there are things that are wrong. He can be pretty scary when he's frustrated or upset. He hardly ever lets his aggression go, so when it finally builds up to the point of escaping- he explodes. He has never hurt me on purpose, but I've been hit with ricocheting items, such as bits of phone, potato, and broken mouse. We've never had a screaming angry fight, and because I just kinda figure those are a part of all relationship, I'm a little afraid, because he can go from the sweet boy I know and love to a demon in no time at all.

He really doesn't think I'm all that bright. That hurts most of all, because I'm not the prettiest girl, I'm not the best cook, I'm really not extraordinary at all- save for the fact that I'm pretty smart. He once remarked to a friend of his, when he didn't think I was around to hear, "Yeah, Ixojut is a dumb bitch, but I love her." Now don't get the wrong idea- this is not how he usually talks, about anybody really, only when being truly spiteful, which is why it surprised me so much. To add insult to injury, this happened on my 21st birthday, which hap been sucky, up to that point, whereupon it basically because the worst coming of age EVAR.

Lastly, he out kinks me. Now I'm a pretty kinky girl, and I'm pretty messed up in the head, but just like every girl I can be held up to the stereotype of wanting to "make love" every now and then. The fact that all we do is "fuck" eventually wore down my sanity. Am I not good enough as I am? Do I always have to be someone else for you to cum?

Pardon my vulgarity. I have the feeling that this relationship is not going to outlast out apartment's lease. Whats worse is that a dominant face from my past has just surfaced. A boy I loved dearly years ago, and as soon as I sat down and talked with him all of those feelings came back, threefold, and hit me like a six foot wave. Hi, Justin- missed you like hell, and I can't tell you.

Did I mention he has an adorable girlfriend?